.

seriously??? Part I

There's a lot of things in life I don't understand/agree with/like/put up with/tolerate/handle well-the list goes on. I am VERY set in my ways, and I for sure judge the fuck out of people who think differently than I do. Everyone does, and if you don't you're lying. People judge, they just do. If you're accepting that's cool, but you can judge someone's balls off and then accept their opinions or views or whatever. Anyways, I decided to start a segment called "Seriously???" because I see and hear far too much crazy shit that I think other people will think is insanity as well, and then I won't feel alone and crazy (or at least as alone and crazy).

So today I was taking the train to work, which I do Monday through Friday every week for the rest of my life cause I'm poor and I don't have a car and I got hit by a car on my bike and its totalled...

So I take the train to work everyday and there are weird fuckin people, all kinds of people. My train route is like a fucking tour of Chicago, not really but kind of. I live in Anderdonville which is like the second gayest neighborhood in Chicago, it's where the dykes live, with families and hipsters mixed in. I kind of love it. So I get on the train there and then the next neighborhood, which is where I lived up until a month ago is Uptown.

Uptown is like a mini ghetto cause parts of it are super nice the closer you get to the lake, but where I used to live it was g-h-e-t-t-o. There was an awesome drug dealer named Keyon who totes had the cops paid off. Also hookers fucked johns in our alley a lot. But I frakking LOVE that neighborhood, I would move back there one day fo sho.

Then it pretty much goes to shit (at least by my standards) cause you have lakeview, lincoln park, old town and then downtown, and all those areas suck ass and are havens for chad's and ashley's and yuppies.

All I'm saying is you got a melting pot...

So today for instance I'm on the train heading south and its mostly white people and asians ya know, and then we hit Wilson and this black family gets on and its like a mom and a dad and three little girls, who are eating HOT FRIES AND PEPSI FOR FUCKING BREAKFAST AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See I don't eat super healthy, like, at all, but when you have a 50 lb three year old that is just fucked! aaaaaaaaand you are a bad person who should have your reproductive organs taken away from you. FOREVERS.

So obviously these kids are fucking shreaking from these spicy chips aaaaaaaaaand a can of pure sugar so this white dude who is sittin right by the doors like jumps out of his seat two seconds after they enter and walks like half way down the train...and ya know what? i don't blame him, at all! If you take the train to and from work, you probably agree that loud ass people on your way to or from work are fucking assholes. Nobody wants to hear you scream on your speaker phone homie!!!

That shit is so fucked, so to that I say, SERIOUSLY??????

Mal B.

A Correction

I would just like to point out that it was Groucho Mark NOT Woody Allen who said "I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member". Well, maybe Allen did say it, but Groucho said it first.

I'm a Marxist of the Groucho variety.

-Jon J

Spagetti Hair fo lyfe

Ya know how many parents say that most of the decisions they make are based solely upon what is best for their child? Well I'm kinda like that except my decisions are made based solely on food, sex, music, and soemtimes drugs. That is why I didn't even have to consider my options when deciding that I would always go Team Spagetti Hair, rather than shmoopy lobster hands...here's why.

If you have lobster hands you are most likely never, ever ever ever ever gonna get laid, and if you do get laid it is probably solely because you have lobster hands and who wants to shtoop someone who likes people with lobster hands? Not I! Sometimes I'm concerned for the people who sleep with me and what that says about their character, it reminds me of that Woody Allen quote. "I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member".

I know this guy who has a small arm. He fucking rules, but he has a small arm, and that will forever hold him back. He is a reasonably attractive dude, he has wit and charm and a job but dude, small arm? that sucks. The other day in fact a friend of mine asked him if she could store her drum kit at his house, she then proceeded to ask him if he played the drums and before he had a chance to reply she said "haha of course you don't"! Fuck the social stigma of having weird appendages but to have to deal with retarded comments like that FOREVER? fuck that noise.

The reason I would chose spagetti hair is very simple. Food rules and having it next to my face at all times would fucking rock. Also I would look like Raggady Anne which has been a life long dream of mine. I mean look at the pictures that Jon J. posted. Who looks happier?

see yaaaaaaz

Mal B.

Let's Get Something Going.....

Which would you rather have, lobster hands or spaghetti hair?

Discuss.

-Jon J

INETERNET SPACE SHIPS WHAAAAAATTTT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq2oxt7Nrxo

amaazing

a song i wrote

wassup? wanna fuck? bust a nut, in my butt!

Coming soon....

Rantings! Ravings! Fist fights! All for the price of admission! Until than you can always read Jon's blog over here.